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AUGUST 12, 2015 SHOW – FEATURING CALLERS FROM 6 DIFFERENT COUNTRIES (U.S., Sudan, Saudi Arabia, Hong Kong, Germany and Australia) PLUS BONUS AUDIO AND ARTICLES
DOES BEHATI PRINSLOO LIKE THE RESTAURANTS ADAM LEVINE PICKS?
I need some confirmation that I’m thinking about this situation in a “System” manner.
I am a Salsa dancer in Ohio. I go out to a lot of dance events each month, so I have a chance to meet lots of women. One woman in particular, Leila, has been giving me subtle buying signals for a year. I was involved with someone else up until a couple of months ago, so I couldn’t ask for Leila’s phone number until we broke up. I went to a dance event last weekend, saw Leila, and asked her for her phone number. She gave it to me without hesitation and said that she was glad that I asked.
I waited five days and called to ask her out for this coming Tuesday. The phone rang twice and went to voicemail. I left a voice message in which I said I’d like to take you out, so please give me a call. My number is…. Then I repeated the number slowly and hung up. While I was leaving the message I received a text back that read “Sorry, I can’t talk now.” I’m guessing this was an automatic text response Leila set up for any incoming phone calls. A few hours later she sent me a text message that said that she had been involved in a local city meeting when I called, then she went to dance practice, and due to the time of night she was sending a text instead of calling. I figured it was no big deal.
Leila called back the next day. She asked if I had received the text she sent, and I thanked her for letting me know what was going on. I then asked her out to dinner for five days later. She checked her schedule, said that she had a scheduling conflict, but immediately counteroffered with two other days. But she said one of the days was contingent on whether her stepdaughter would visit, and that on the other day she could only be up until 9 PM. I said “Just let me know when your stepdaughter lets you know if she’s coming and get back to me when you know.” She said she would. End of conversation.
Leila texted this morning that she still wasn’t sure if her stepdaughter was coming, but that she would be amenable to getting together around 6 PM. The condition attached was that she wanted to stay close to her home in case her stepdaughter showed up. She then added that we could take a walk or go to another restaurant, because she didn’t like the eatery I picked for dinner.
I haven’t responded yet. I know you’re big on getting in front of the girl for the first date to try and sell her, but it seems to me that Leila is probably either (1) structured and/or (2) she has low Interest Level. So Doc, how do I respond? It seems like it might be a major waste of time if I go along with her.
Oren – who doesn’t want to waste his time
When Leila said she could meet you until 9 PM, that was the definite date and the one you should have grabbed. What you did instead was take the “definite maybe” date involving whether or not Leila’s stepdaughter was going to be in the picture. Why would you do that? It was a huge blunder, pal. You had a sure thing and you had a definite maybe. You jumped on the wrong one.
Then Leila had all kinds of conditions attached to getting together with you. All this woman is giving you is possibilities for definite maybe dates. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “You can’t pin her down at all.” And it’s impossible to pin her down, with all of the conditions that she’s attached to seeing her.
Of course you have to get in front of the woman in order to sell her. But that’s exactly where you blew it. You had a definite short date versus a definite maybe date in which Leila was more concerned about her stepdaughter than she was with you. Like I said, you took the wrong one.
Leila is both structured AND she has low Interest Level. You’ve gone every which way with her as far as trying to get a date goes, but she always comes up with another reason why you have to call back later, or that she has to wait around for her stepdaughter, or that she doesn’t like the restaurant, etc. The point is that Leila is NOT HELPING YOU at all. Look at all the time and effort you’ve invested in just getting a first date out of this babe! So if you have to get her out on eight to 10 dates and make her your girlfriend, you are facing a brutal uphill battle, my friend. Leila is structured, she has low Interest Level, and she practically does everything but come right out and scream, “Don’t call me!” Like my cousin General Love says, “It sounds like you’re going to war instead of trying to date this girl.”
How do you respond now? Tell Leila that something came up in your schedule and that you’ll make it some other time. If I were you, I wouldn’t even try to go out with Leila anymore. You can’t get a definite date out of her. It’s too much trouble and work. To you Psych majors, if it takes all this effort to get the first date, can you imagine how difficult the other nine are going to be?
You’re worried that trying to date Leila seems like it’s going to be a major waste of time? Guy, it’s been a major waste of time already!
Remember, guys: when you have to fight to get the first date, you’ll never get to the tenth to make her your girlfriend.
THE BEAUTIFUL BRAINWASHER
Katy Perry is beautiful, has a great voice and some catchy songs.
She’s also part of the major media that is brainwashing people when it comes to dating and relationships.
Her 2013 song “Unconditionally” says that she will love a guy, well, you guessed it, “unconditionally.”
It does not exist in romantic love. It exists between parent and child, siblings and even your pets but unconditional love does not happen in the dating dance.
First of all, she has to be attracted to the guy – isn’t that a condition to start?
Also, what if he changes from the guy she fell in love with? They don’t go out on dancing dates anymore or he does more couch potato activities instead of real ones. Will she still love him “unconditionally?” I’ve seen many men have their ladies “fall out of love” in this scenario – aren’t these “conditions?”
Maybe she’s playing tricks with the word “love” – maybe she means that she will always “love” the guy “unconditionally” but perhaps not be “in love” with him.
Let me explain.
You can love and care for someone but not have that intense “I want to be with you” in love condition that is a hallmark of romantic love – but to my way of thinking, WHAT’S THE POINT if she loves you but refuses to be with you because she’s not “in love” with you?
So, “unconditionally” is more brainwashing because if you want a woman “in love” with you then there are ALWAYS conditions.
Remember guys, keep doing right by THE SYSTEM and you’ll meet the conditions of Ms. Right.
Until next week, thanks for your support.
Jeff and I appreciate it.
DECEMBER 10, 2015 SHOW PLUS BONUS AUDIO AND ARTICLES
WHAT WOULD EMINEM DO IF SHE JUST WANTED TO BE FRIENDS?
I’ve read your book more than 10 times but I’m still not an expert on it nor do I always follow it due to previous bad habits. Your book has helped me keep my sanity. I’m 31 and haven’t been on a proper date since I was 29, but it’s more that I’m focused on other parts of my life right now rather than finding the one. I do see and communicate with many Beautiful Women but haven’t met one that I felt is worth pursuing.
Anyway, I moved into an apartment a few months back next door to one of the most Beautiful Women I’ve ever met — Kendall. It was obvious that there were issues in her life, for example, an engagement that she broke off last year and it seemed she wasn’t over it. What kept me from asking her out was that she smoked and drank a lot, which is mostly a deal breaker for me.
Well, I got sick and almost died. I was in the hospital for almost two weeks after surgery, and when I came home, Kendall knocked on my door. I have never met anybody other than family so worried about me. I thought it was thoughtful and it made me start to have feelings for her. We exchanged numbers and she always checked up on me and helped me out while I was home sick. She started calling me to go out for drinks and dinner and for the past four months we’ve been going out once a week without fail. The weird thing is that she made it explicit that we are only friends and doesn’t want more. And she even tells me not to take advantage of her while she is drunk, which I never do. Lately she’s been saying it less and is extremely touchy. I don’t touch back because she wants nothing more than friends and also I would never want to take advantage and make her feel uncomfortable.
After all the time I’ve spent with Kendall, I really like her a lot, but I never tell her because there’s no point. She makes me feel good about myself and she is always good to me. Knowing all the issues she has and that she only wants to be friends, am I wasting my time with her? I love spending time with her and I really care about her. I don’t expect anything to happen, even though I would consider a relationship if she was into me and didn’t have her issues. Doc, I hang out with many other women and have my pick when I want romantic company, but I never aim for a relationship with any of them.
Louis – who doesn’t know what to do with her
What you have to do is read my book another five times, then read seven pages a night for the rest of your life. But the most important point here is that as a result of reading “The System,” you realized the bad habits you have, which you didn’t before you began to absorb my principles. To you Psych majors, you have to figure out what you’re doing wrong before you can correct it. And remember that you can expand your business and read every self-help book on the shelves, but if you run into someone you’re interested in, always ask for her number!
Let me clear something up for you. Kendall broke up with her boyfriend, so she’s over it. He’s the one who’s not over it!
Now let’s look at what’s going on here. Why would Kendall worry so much about a stranger? If you had time in with her, say three or four months, and she was your girlfriend, it would be understandable that she would be so concerned for your welfare. But she’s a complete stranger to you, Louis. It could be that she just feels sorry for you. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “Maybe she’s just a good Samaritan in spite of her drinking.”
Let me explain something else to you, my friend. You have feelings for Kendall because she’s gorgeous. Like my cousin General Love says, “If she was fat and ugly you wouldn’t have feelings for her in spite of her being your nurse.”
Nevertheless, Kendall asks you out and you see her on a weekly basis. This babe is very consistent in her behavior. Now if you’re seeing her once a week, you should be taking her to places where you can hustle other women. What you’re going to do is make Kendall jealous. She said she just wants to be friends, right? So ask another girl to dance, and when Kendall wants to know what you’re doing dancing with someone else, you say, “Well, you and I are just friends, right?” In other words, you’re killing two birds with one stone, see?
It’s nice that you don’t take advantage of Kendall when she’s bombed. You can keep working her, guy, but you have to be hustling other women at the same time, otherwise you’re wasting your time. And what you haven’t thought about is that when you stop seeing Kendall if you do end up dating, you’re going to run into her every five minutes in your building, and that’s the negative part of this thing. But it’s okay if you keep her as a friend and use her to pick up other women.
Of course there’s no point in telling Kendall your feelings. First she has to ask you to be her boyfriend – and even then you wouldn’t bring up how much you really dig her. In fact, you’re only going to ever bring up how much you love a babe when she’s your wife.
Are you wasting your time with Kendall? I already told you – yes, and that’s why you have to hustle other women. And you’re going to do something else. You’re going to decrease the amount of time you spend with her. If you go out with her, cut the date short. If she wants to go out on a certain night, tell her you’re busy that night but you can make it another time, and let her come back with a counteroffer. She has to start chasing you a little bit, my friend. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “In order to create demand you have to cut the supply — that’s the free enterprise system.”
You might love spending time with Kendall, but get the word “love” out of your vocabulary. You might have finally found someone you like in Kendall, but the problem is that she’s an alcoholic. Is that something you really want to deal with?
Remember, guys: if she just wants to be friends, use her to meet other women.
SELFISHNESS – NOT A BAD THING
Guys are so conditioned to “not blowing a lead” when it comes to dating – and as you know I put sales into dating.
What I mean by this is that since guys are (generally) the aggressors, getting her out on the date is an accomplishment when you consider all the times she can tell you NO – such as when you walk over, ask for the number, try to set a time to pick her up – etc.
So, the fact that she’s all dressed sitting in your vehicle, ready to head out for the night with you is not a small feat.
Here’s where most guys stop – because they got the date – and risked a lot of rejection to do so.
What do I mean by stop? Since it’s you trying to make “the sale” by getting her out you are still in salesman mode – you got the high of getting date 1 so now you want to extend it to date 2 – which is natural since you like her.
This is where you have to make the flip in your mind though – she now has to sell you and you start to evaluate her.
Have fun in doing it but remember that any further amount of time, effort and money spent on this girl could be used for other women – so be selfish with yourself here.
If she isn’t what you’re looking for or it’s just not clicking then hit the NEXT button in your head and start the process over again – and I know it can be frustrating but there are very few Ms. Rights in your life so you have to be prepared to keep going until you find her.
Even though you’ve put a decent amount of effort into getting this girl out on a date – if she’s Ms. Wrong then you have to move on quickly – you don’t have time to play around. You have a finite amount of resources that you have to deploy towards your ultimate goal of meeting and keeping Ms. Right.
Remember guys, she has to sell you as much as you have to sell her and if it isn’t working, don’t be afraid to be selfish and move on – it just means your closer to the right one.
Until next week, thanks for your support.
Jeff and I appreciate it.