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Hey Doc,

Your coaching helped me when I was dealing with a difficult situation, and “The System” has helped me practice patience, something I never had before. I am still using your book as a reference once in a while, but I don’t know what to do about the current issue I have.

Krystal and I have been friends for a year. I can’t say we’ve been close friends because we only knew each other through mutual friends, but we have shown interest in each other. I’ve tried to keep it cool and funny, crack jokes and make her laugh. We started to go out with each other without talking about being on a date. I never initiated these get-togethers and she never complained about them. I acted like I just wanted to get to know her better before moving forward — in other words, test the waters. We do nothing physical but kiss each other on the cheek.

Over the past month, we’ve been going out to dinner, bowling and ice skating. Krystal has really enjoyed it and asked what we were going to do next. So everything has been okay, except that she sometimes doesn’t answer my calls or messages promptly like she did before. I always try to keep our conversations short and finish them first. A few days ago I sent her a funny text message and she didn’t reply. Then I sent her a link to the ski store website where we were supposed to go shopping for ski clothes and she didn’t reply to my email.  The next day I called her, left a message and got no response.

It wasn’t until the next day that I got a text message that read “How are you?” I was like, seriously? After all my texts, emails and calls this is all she can say? I didn’t reply to her text, and she didn’t call last night again. In the past she has acted like this a couple of times. When it happens, I back off, and she starts coming after me again.

Doc, please coach me. Do you think Krystal is playing hard to get? Do you think she’s playing games? I am not into girls who play mind games, and if that’s what she’s doing, then I have no problem with dropping her.

Helmut – who needs a new strategy

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Hi Helmut,

Patience is an extremely important quality to cultivate that you must develop if you are going to be successful with women. I’m glad you brought it up.

You shouldn’t be using my book just once in a while. After you read it once a week for 15 weeks, you’re supposed to read seven pages a night, every night. You have to keep reading it because its principles always sink in deeper – that’s the nature of TRUTH.

Now let me ask you this question: we know that you are interested in Krystal, but what has she done to show her interest in you? It’s good that you make her laugh because you’re supposed to be the clown with women. But if you’ve been going out with Krystal without indicating to her that it’s a date, you’ve made a HUGE MISTAKE. Right there you are telling her that it’s okay to be in the friendship zone, and that’s the kiss of death. You should have told Krystal, “Listen, I want to take you out next Thursday night for dancing and an Italian dinner.” To you Psych majors, you have to drop the word “DATE” in there so you stay off the friendship track. You have to get on the DATING track. And if Krystal doesn’t like it, she’ll tell you to back off. This is what you didn’t realize, Helmut, and it’s why I know you didn’t read my book 15 times like you were supposed to. Here’s a tip for you: in “The System” the word “friend” is discussed in great detail!

You should have been initiating your get-togethers with Krystal. WHEN YOU’RE DATING, YOU ASK A GIRL OUT. She won’t complain if you do – she just won’t go out with you or return your phone calls or answer your texts. You can’t be in the friendship zone and then jump to the dating zone if the waters seem right. That’s not how you test the waters. You have to move forward on the dates. Again, it’s obvious to me that you read my book only once instead of 15 times. And remember, like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “Hugging and kissing on the cheek is for your grandmother.”

If Krystal isn’t answering your messages and calls, it means her Interest Level has dropped from 75% to 45%. When it’s 75% and above, she’ll answer. What this says is that you’re slowly losing this girl. And why are you getting all bent out of shape because Krystal isn’t getting back to you? If you’re just friends, there’s no rush on getting back to you. If your buddy doesn’t call you back for a few days, you don’t mind, right? And that’s what you’ve got in Krystal – a girlfriend. The problem is that when a woman doesn’t get back to you, you keep track, because romantic love is conditional.

You shouldn’t be texting this babe any kind of messages. You text and email and use the phone to get the date — ONLY. Otherwise there should be NO COMMUNICATION. Helmut, you’re absolutely slaying Challenge by doing all this texting and emailing and calling. If Krystal didn’t reply to one message, why are you sending her another? When you send a girl a text and she doesn’t answer, it means she doesn’t like you. You have to wait for her to answer. You have three strikes – or unanswered messages – against you, so Krystal’s interest is in the 40s. And that means you’re OUT. When you finally heard from her, you were like, seriously? EXACTLY! Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “You’re serious and she’s not.” There should have only been one message to Krystal, not 10. Helmut, you have to learn to stop texting.

The reason Krystal comes to you when you back off is that she likes CHALLENGE. Women don’t play hard to get, my friend. I teach men to play hard to get because they go in too fast. But women just sit there passively and wait to get rid of you. They go by their Interest Level. If they have high interest, they communicate with you. They help you. This girl doesn’t have high interest in you. She doesn’t dig you. It’s that simple. You started off in the friendship zone and never got out of it – like most guys.

Krystal isn’t playing games with you. You’re the one playing games. You didn’t return her call. When she asked how you were, you should have acted like nothing happened, and kept it light and funny. But no – now you’re playing hardball with a friend. You want to treat her like a date who did something wrong when Krystal is really just your girlfriend. That’s it.

Face the facts: you’re not kissing her on the mouth after the second, third and fourth date, which my book tells you to do. But you don’t know that you’re supposed to do that, because you’ve barely read my book once.

You can’t drop who you don’t have, dude. You don’t have this girl. And you’ve never had her.

Remember, guys: unless you memorize “The System,” you’re dead in the water with women.



I bet you’re a little thrown off by the title – after all aren’t I always telling you to keep it light and funny with no heavy subjects and no put downs? How can I be saying that negativity isn’t bad?

I should explain that channeling your negativity can be a good thing.

Failure is a funny thing – it makes us mad, bummed out, embarrassed, aggravated and a whole host of other negative feelings – and you most likely got THE SYSTEM because you were sick and tired of getting beat up by what seemed like the same girl all the time.
(of course it was different women but you kept making the same mistakes and therefore kept getting similar results).

At any rate, your desire not to feel the way you felt when you got flushed by her – you know – that out of control “what happened here” range of emotions you experienced is most likely what’s driving you.

So, all the negativity is driving you to a positive place as long as you don’t let it consume you.

Your past failures burned a strong desire to be better for you – a lot of guys are either oblivious to the need to get better or they just got more bitter as predictably the same behavior brought the same results for them.

Remember guys it was most likely a series of negatives that got you here and it’s those negatives that continue to drive you. As long as you use all that to turn into a positive gentleman than you’re doing right by THE SYSTEM.

Until next week, thanks for your support.

Jeff and I appreciate it.

WEDNESDAY, 3/25:   THE SYSTEM tells you just to smile – and not in the way you might think.

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